​A Review of Riverdale: The Best/Worst Show On TV

SPOILER ALERT: if you are reading this and you are not yet caught up on Riverdale, it is too late and things will be ruined for you.

Riverdale is the worst show on television, and I firmly believe this. Yet, every Wednesday night I I sit at the edge of my bed watching all of the drama go down.

Let me back up my opinion. We have a small little murder town called Riverdale. In Riverdale there are diners and cars that look like they came out of the 50’s, they even use typewriters, but the characters dress like they are from this century and they all have smart phones. Barb, from Stranger Things, is alive you guys, and she lives in Riverdale! Did I mention all of the dads are hot?

We have gangs, the mafia, face-painted warriors, and even little red riding hood with her bow and arrow. There are names like Jughead, SweetPea, and Jellybean. There’s the black hood, the candy man, the red circle that became the dark circle, and some weird rivalry between bulldogs and serpents, both successfully lead by high school boys. And these high school relationships, where all of the main characters are dating each other, mature faster than any relationship I’ve had during my adult life.

Parents are buying cars for their kid’s S.O. Parents are even shooting their own kids in the head. And there is this thing called Jingle Jangle, that looks like a pixie stick but apparently it’s some sort of drug. Also, anyone and everyone can run for Mayor, apparently.

They lead us to believe that they have killed off one of the main characters, who is also the narrator and the only reason that I watch this show. Cheerleaders have specific uniforms for funerals and at one point or another, all of these plot lines have been dropped and then picked back up again. I’m not sure how people make a living writing this. I’m also not sure what kind of town Riverdale is, but I definitely wouldn’t want to live there.
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There are a lot of things I don’t know. I don’t know how this show got renewed for a third season but I do know that if they ever kill off the narrator the show won't be around for another season. I don’t know how I let myself get so emotionally invested in a show that I have tried to convince myself that I hate. But I do know that season 3 is coming and I am here for it, and here I will stay, every Wednesday night at the edge of my seat.

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