here, have some happy

I’ve been debating how to write this one. I don’t know if it is going to turn out well or even make any sense, but I am going to try to work through it.

I’ve had this line stuck in my head- “you deserve to be happy” – because that’s what people keep saying to me. And I always reply back something like “thanks for your kind words, I appreciate it” blah blah blah. But in my head I’m like “what does that even mean?”

I deserve to be happy and people want me to be happy and that is nice that they care. But I’m pretty sure you don’t just wake up one day happy. Happy is a feeling, an emotion, but I also think it is a destination. It is something you have to work at and find for yourself.

I deserve to be happy. Something about that doesn’t sound right. I deserve a well-paid job because of my experience and college degree, I deserve to be texted back because I will text you back, I deserve to be cared about because I care in return, I deserve to be loved because I love, I deserve to be appreciated because I do so much to be appreciated for, I deserve to get good grades because I work hard, I deserve to be able to do the things that I want to do because again, I work hard. I deserve to be happy? But do we really have to deserve happiness?

I don’t think happiness is a give-something-get-something. Like, you suffered for two months but now that it is over, you deserve to be happy.

I guess my point here is why do we have to “deserve” happiness? Why can’t we just have it once we find it? We should all just be happy.

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