Temporary

I heard this commercial on the radio the other day, I think it was for a Victoria’s Secret perfume, and it was a bunch of girls talking about the types of men that they like. It really sparked something in me and got me thinking.

I want to preface this by saying that I typically don’t write about men or relationships because I am not Taylor Swift and because I wouldn’t want someone writing that way about me. I’d also like to point out that I am not looking for relationship advice or for you to set me up with your cousin’s friend’s son.

You know how some girls have a type? She dates one guy, they break up, and then she dates another guy who looks very similar to that first guy she dated. She does this because she has a type.

This is like a totally foreign concept to me. I mean, I’ve had a lot of boyfriends and I’ve dated a lot of guys. If I lined up every single guy (and I call them guys because that’s what they were, not men) I had ever dated you would not find any similar features in their physical appearance. They weren’t similar in the way they look, how they dress, their interests or hobbies, not even their personalities. They were all one hundred percent completely different people.

They may have all been different, but they do have one thing in common. They aren’t around anymore. They’re not dead, they’re just no longer in my life really.

Instead of being simple, playing it safe and pursuing guys who are tall, dark, and handsome, I make things really complicated for myself and go for the guys who I know won’t stick around for the long haul, the guys who are temporary. And the thing is I know exactly what I’m doing. So, I guess you could say that’s my type, temporary.

You could probably also say that I just haven’t found the right guy yet, which is clearly true. But I like to take some responsibility for the types of relationships I allow myself to have and the types of guys I allow myself to date. So, I’m taking responsibility and claiming my type as temporary.

This isn’t all about the guy though, it is also about me. I’ve been used to temporary for so long. Temporary homes, temporary phases in life, temporary people in my life. I am currently in a phase though, that is not so temporary and I am having a hard time grasping the idea of that.

For a long time I worked full time, but only temporarily. I would work full time for six months and then go back to school and be a full time student. I would do all of that work at one job for a temporary time and then move on to the next job, for some other person to pick up where I left off.

This is no longer the case. The work I am doing now, is my work. I’m not going to a new job in six months, I’m here for as long as they will have me. I’m a full time employee, this is my full time job, and this is a full time phase of life. I’m no longer temporary, and that’s a hard thing for me.

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