The Girl Who Cried Wasp

I've never been stung by a bee, knock on wood. And for that reason I have what I would call a very rational fear of them, [what others might call "irrational] because I don't know if I am allergic. I'm not allergic to anything, except for cats and silicone, so I have 100% convinced myself that I am allergic to bees. Call me dramatic now if you want, but you haven't even read the rest of the story yet. 

One day, a few months back, I walked into my bedroom and spotted something out of the ordinary just sitting on my hardwoods. I have really bad eyes, at the distance I was looking at it it could have been a piece of lint or it could have been a rock for all i know. I approached with caution, only to discover that it was in fact a wasp. I called to my roommates who came running from their room with wads of toilet paper, they scooped that sucker up, flushed him down the toilet and no one ever spoke of it again. 

A few months later, around 2 am, I was laying in bed watching Netflix when I saw something out of the corner of my left eye. It crawled out of the blinds on my windows, flew over my head, and disappeared behind a frame on my wall. Another wasp. I flung my blankets off of me and sprung from my bed sprinting to my roommates room crying wasp again! We cautiously headed back to the scene where we searched for 20 minutes hitting things, moving things, making noise, trying to scare the guy out of his hiding place. But nothing. 

At this point, I'm starting to panic. I'm panicking because what if I sleep in my room tonight and the wasp comes out of hiding and stings me? Nobody believed I had a wasp in my room so they wouldn't hear me gasping for air and I would die. Or what if I just took too much Melatonin and I hallucinated seeing the wasp? I decided to sleep on the couch that night, but I didn't get much sleep. As I laid my head down and covered myself with a blanket, I heard a buzzing in my right ear. It couldn't be what I thought it was, could it? The wasps were in my room, I was safe down here. Or so I thought. 

The next day I woke up and my roommates were going to Niagara Falls, leaving me in, what I had convinced myself to be, a wasp infested house. Before they left we made sure to check all of the windows in my room. I've had wasps before, back before we got our windows redone I had a wasp nest in my window. We checked them all, but found nothing.

I avoided the house and my room as much as I could that day, I was still in shock from the unwanted friend who flew over my head the night before, and was very unprepared to see another one. Despite my fears, I ran into my unwanted friend once again. Only this time, he was on my hardwoods, in the same exact spot that I found the other wasp a few months back.

Now I was freaked out, but I had to get this wasp out of my room while he was already down, before I could start playing Nancy Drew. I worked up the courage to scoop him up for probably a solid 7 minutes and used a whole roll of toilet paper to do it, but I did it. I faced my fears and killed the wasp, I'm single. 

Things were starting to make sense to me now. I had found 2 wasps in my room. I had also noticed a silhouette of what looked like some sort of bug in between my blinds and my windows. It had been there for a few weeks, the cleaning ladies apparently missed it on multiple occasions. I pulled back my blinds cautiously only to reveal the body of, you guessed it, a dead wasp. 

I checked both of my windows again to ensure that there were no wasp nests in either one of them. There was nothing. Either there was a hole somewhere and that's how they were getting into my room, or the nest was in the walls. I shared both theories with my roommates, they still didn't believe me, but they got up on the later outside anyway only to discover a swarm of hundreds of wasps near the area where our house meets the extension of our house which just so happened to be connected to my room and the family room. 

We had discovered the root of the problem, but the wasp saga did not end there. The exterminator came out at least 3 times and sprayed multiple times and multiple rooms. I swear, every day for the month of September and even into October we found a new wasp or 2 just flying around. I tried to convince my roommates to just burn the place down and start over completely. 

The wasps were really angry at this point too, they fought really hard to live this long after we tried to kill them multiple times, now they were out for revenge. One day I came home and entered my bedroom after a few days of quiet, I thought the war was over, but I heard the loudest buzzing I had heard and I knew one had returned. I called for help and I stayed in my room with my eyes on the prize. But before help could arrive I lost sight of him and I didn't hear him anymore. Maybe he had overexerted himself and died, maybe we were safe, so I called off the guards. 

But then I looked up, only to see the largest wasp I had ever seen crawling on my wall like he owned the place. I shouted again and help came running, pushing me out of the room and into the hallway to safety. This wasp put up a fight, he was flying all over and buzzing and wasn't giving up. After a long, hard battle, we stomped the shit out of him and flushed him down the toilet with the rest of that exterminators career. 

After the battle, we completely tore apart my room. The exterminator had come out and sprayed 3 times but we were still finding wasps, there had to be something else. Sure enough, we filled in 3 additional holes that day and I haven't seen a wasp in my room since. 

Since the wasp incident, I haven't really slept well. I have very vivid dreams of wasps flying at my head, I'm probably just making it up in my mind. But every now and then I will hear some buzzing and think they're back or I'll see something out of the corner of my eye and my whole body will freeze, taking me back to that first night when the wasp crawled out of my blinds and flew above my head.

Nothing like some early twenties trauma, amiright? At least I'll go down in history as the girl who cried wasp... and was right about it.

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